The world is full of all kinds of people, and while some of them might fill our lives with love and contentment, there are others who appear to only exist to use and abuse us. If you find that you’re constantly surrounded by self-centered people, it can often feel quite hard to cope, and it can take quite a toll on your self-confidence and stress levels. If you can relate, then read on, and find out just how to identify and deal with a selfish person.
8 signs of selfish people
1. They believe they deserve special treatment.
Selfish people often believe that they’re better than everyone else, and just love being the center of attention. They think that they should be given special attention, and can’t stand being ignored. They have no trouble asking you for a favor of any size, even if they hardly know you.
2. They view you as a detail.
A selfish person will rarely thank you for anything, and when they do they tend to sound insincere. Even though they have no trouble asking you for favors, they usually don’t like reciprocating. They’ll often come up with excuses or try to postpone the favor for as long as possible. Sometimes, they may even act like you never even asked.
3. They make shady plans.
Canceling plans at the last minute, along with a string of lame excuses, are what selfish people are renowned for. They may have found something ‘better’ to do, or someone ‘better’ to meet. They probably think that their excuses are perfectly understandable, even though they rarely are.
4. They find you boring.
Another sign of a selfish person is that they never really take the time to try and understand you. For them, a conversation is primarily a means of asserting dominance, and as a result, they’ll often interrupt you or downplay the importance of things you have to say.
5. They hide their ‘Black Hole’ characteristics.
It’s quite possible that a selfish person is aware of their character flaws, and acknowledges that they may cause their relationships to suffer. That’s why they often go to great lengths to act polite, cordial, and interested in what you do. Don’t be fooled, however, as this is only to draw you in, and they always show their true colors before long.
6. They aren’t aware of their selfishness.
It’s also quite possible for a selfish person to be more-or-less unaware of what they do. They may rationalize their selfish actions by saying that they did something for the greater good, yet the negative consequences of their actions never seem to affect themselves as much as they affect others.
7. Their ego is unbearably dominant.
Ego has a crucial role to play when it comes to selfish behavior. Self-centered people only care about how things affect their own lives while paying little attention to the needs and desires of others. A common example of this is the mother that claims a child has abandoned her by choosing to work or study abroad.
8. They rob you of your confidence.
Selfish people criticize and degrade others in order to feel superior. They usually act controlling when with friends, family, or even colleagues, and as a result spending time with one will often drain you mentally and emotionally.
How to Deal With a Selfish Person:
1. Understand where they’re coming from.
By understanding what motivates their negative behavior, you should be able to make dealing with them a lot easier. Are they simply being cruel and inconsiderate, or does their selfishness stem from fear or anxiety? Gathering insight about the root cause of their selfishness will help you respond in a way which doesn’t aggravate the situation.
2. Don’t take it personally.
Even if selfish behavior makes you tremble with rage, you should always try your best not to take it personally. Always keep in mind that a selfish person is somebody with a persistent underlying problem. If they question a decision that you believe is right, then it’s probably because they’re thinking of how it will impact them, and aren’t taking your thoughts and feelings into consideration.
3. Avoid being defensive.
Try not to get defensive when a selfish person criticizes you. Take everything they say with a pinch of salt, and treat them as yet another incredible source. Getting mad will only make things worse.
4. Realize that selfishness is healthy sometimes.
Once in a while, it’s good to be a bit selfish and do something for yourself. Constantly working for and supporting others can be draining, and can also set you up to be abused. The biggest issue arises when selfishness is not just an necessary escape but becomes an entire way of life.
5. Set boundaries.
In order to protect yourself from selfish people, you need to set distinctly identifiable boundaries. Speak up for yourself as soon as you feel uncomfortable, and keep in mind that people are more likely to act selfishly if you let them keep getting away with it.
6. Don’t feed their selfishness.
If you have to deal with a selfish person on a daily basis, the last thing you want is to be actively making their flaws worse. Never praise or reward them for anything they obtained selfishly, and never give in to their selfish demands.
7. Retain your own personality.
You should never change for anybody but yourself, and this is especially true when it comes to dealing with self-centered people. If you do, what’s to keep them from walking away from you, leaving you permanently changed for the worse? Concentrate on your own value, and spend time with people whose positivity will rub off on you.
8. Be patient.
Always try to remain calm, and avoid overreacting. A lot of selfish individuals have undergone past experiences which have caused them to develop dysfunctional self-preservation techniques. By viewing them with compassion instead of contempt, you can continue to hold them accountable for their actions, without aggravating the situation.
9. Decide if they’re worth keeping in your life.
If the person in question is a family member then this decision will be incredibly tough to take, yet in extreme cases it may be for the best. If this person is reducing your quality of life, and you’ve tried everything else in this guide, then cutting all contact might be the only way forward.